Nightlife Nadir

May 07, 2003 Dear God. The NY Post, continuing its recent fixation with the Below Houston universe, unveils a special section today that includes their picks for Top 10 Bars & Clubs. Its #1 choice? The Surface Hotel, which may open sometime this year if Jesus decides to intervene personally. The sad part? That's their most inspiring pick. Doing our dirty work for us, friend and fellow gutter crawler MBS weighs in with his takedown of the joints...

MBS Thoughts on New York Post's top ten list of downtown bars and clubs

1. Surface Hotel Giving top honors to a bar that's not even open yet -- that kind of premature ejaculation to be ahead of the curve is everything you need to know about downtown. My album of 2003: Richard Ashcroft's stunning comeback album, which he hasn't even begun to put together in his head yet.

The Post reports: 'management promises that the neighborhood residents will get priority reservations at the restaurant.' As if we weren't forced to suck up to Lockhart Steele already -- now we all have to kiss his ass by simple virtue of his random proximity to the venue. Save me a bullet too.

2. Pussycat Lounge I recall those salad days of my youth when Billy's Topless was the place where white-souled white boys (sometimes accompanied by their white GAP cotton underwear female friends) could take a walk on the sleazier side of life without relinquishing their faux-non-concieted superiority. This looks like the same deal. But here the scantily clad dancers are on the floor below. As long as you can bring your drinks downstairs while retaining the ability to travel freely back and forth, then hey, it's all sound as a pound.

3. Slipper Room What's up with the popularity of burlesque among the white, college-educated "But where are you really from" crowd? Can anyone really get majorly turned-on watching a late-twenties girl who was quite possibly in my history seminar and a former theater geek from the suburbs of Western Pennsylvania perform racy numbers for their posse of 'good friends', most of whom live in Brooklyn now. False hedonism = Anxiety-ridden generation.

4. Mission I had a drink here opening night with Lockhart, before they had kicked-off Bubble Yum Wednesdays, billed as "a mix of old-school classic house and rock, plus a Pierre de Krengel inflatable art installation." For sure it won't suck now.

5. Soho Grand Didn't I see some ridiculously done-up 29 year old girl having a nervous breakdown over by the leather couches one night? She was wearing a big smile at the time and listening to a well-dressed man sitting closely beside her.

6. Bauhaus The Post article begins: "Created by two FIT grads..." All I need to hear. I'm sold.

7. Pianos It's the typical Lower East Side success story, explains The Post: "Bar opens, caters to hipster crowd, becomes too hip for itself and thus becomes ironic -- T-shirts sporting the slogan 'anywhere But Pianos' have already been spotted among the faux-hawk set." Huh? What? It's wank central. Fuckin' perilous.

8. Adultworld Accompanying photo of hot girl flirting at bar with Lockhart-type makes me wonder if place appeals to secret demographic: buttoned-down hipster proves laid-back cred, faux-sexual workaholic gives appearance she's up for anything.

Eric Rasmussen, the owner, who also created Idlewild (that's a little too telling), claims that the idea of the club was to "try and recreate the illegal atmosphere of the '80s." Yes, but without the hinderance of really good drugs.

This is fantastic. Making me yearn and ache for the days of Bardsley and Bridger. More Shep, please!

Could LS.com PLEASE make Shep the new side correspondent? Kinda like Mo Rocca on the Daily Show? Just think, LS.com could send Shep to other "new neighborhoods" to explore. My first recommendation: SHEP GOES TO INWOOD!

Posted by: MOP at May 7, 2003 05:14 PM

Pussy cat lounge is a fun titty bar if you don't mind the six dollar buds. Much better than the
other joint further up in tribeca which has a "funny money" atm with a 15$ fee!
If we are bringing back the "OLD New York"
ala garbage and filth can't we also have some
hookers thrown back in the mix?

As for the other clip-joints mentioned, I at least like to get blown when I spend lots of money.

Posted by: Calvin Hobbs at May 8, 2003 04:17 PM

"Can anyone really get majorly turned-on watching a late-twenties girl who was quite possibly in my history seminar and a former theater geek from the suburbs of Western Pennsylvania perform racy numbers for their posse of 'good friends', most of whom live in Brooklyn now."

Yep. ;) Plus, it's cheap.

Of course, the only titty-centric event I've ever seen at the Slipper Room involved vaguely creepy tweenie drag kings we were trying to get to clear the fuck out so we could set up for our gig, so maybe I'm not one to talk.

Posted by: Mike at May 19, 2003 05:40 PM

As long as there are enough cute faux-hipster boys at said bars, who gives a fuck?

Posted by: Mark Gurley at May 20, 2003 04:26 PM

As long as there are enough cute faux-hipster boys at said bars, who gives a fuck?

Posted by: Mark Gurley at May 20, 2003 04:26 PM

As long as there are enough cute faux-hipster boys at said bars, who gives a fuck?

Posted by: Mark Gurley at May 20, 2003 04:26 PM

As long as there are enough cute faux-hipster boys at said bars, who gives a fuck?

Posted by: Mark Gurley at May 20, 2003 04:26 PM